READIN'
I have just finished reading The Jester by James Patterson and Andrew Gross. This historical thriller runs out at one hundred and fifty four small chapters and (ignoring the occasional 'A man in a deep blue robe with a white beard...' sort of line - and if you are writing over five hundred pages you can surely be granted a little poetic licence) is a darned good read.
My best read of the month, though, is personal and came from the journalist Ian Dillow, former Wessex Regional Health Authority Information Officer and one-time editor of the quarterly Wessex Health Services newspaper, Link.
In Ian's own words: 'This year Jean [his charming wife] and I have decided to follow the growing custom of writing a letter...to summarise our activities during the last 12 months. We have personalised your copy by adding a genuine hand-written signature at the end. We feel that this touch of added warmth is entirely consistent with this season of goodwill.'
There follows a report, month by month, of the fantastic exploits of these two dare-devil record breakers.
Everything from Ian coming first in the PGA Golf Championship to Jean's circumnavigation of the globe in the individual sculling competition, to their joint Nobel Prize for their work with Soya beans and on to, finally, their decision to go back to their favourite pastime of Active Volcano Bungee Jumping.
They have promised to let me know how they get on as they will be trying out a new type of bungee elastic which is guaranteed to send them 75% lower but has suspect fire-resistant properties.
I tried to move quickly but I believe there may be a damp patch in my armchair.
They are off to the New World for a couple of months.
We wish them a grand Christmas and an uproarious New Year.
WRITIN'
I have finally written the Christmas cards.
My Leader had sort of questioned the notion of cards this year.
The privatized postal service - if you can so describe it - has introduced a lunatic system of payment by envelope size.
I've stuck first class stamps on just about everything except letters going abroad.
Balls to the new P.O.
Oh, and what sort of so-called government has left essential services like water, electricity, gas, railways (no matter the number of anti-social sods they may have employed) and fast disappearing post offices in private hands?
A Twats In Power sort of government, that's what.
WATCHIN'
We watched Richard Curtis's Love Actually...without expecting anything very different from Four Weddings... or Notting Hill.
It had Alan Rickman in it, though, splendidly cast against type. Not that the diffident horn-rimmed glasses fooled any but the most gullible. When Rowan Atkinson was making a meal of giftwrapping a parcel for him I found myself wondering whether Harry Potter's bete noir might suddenly emerge to leave Rowan dangling helplessly, upside-down, in mid-air.
We enjoyed it, anyway.
The State Within (BBC1) concluded with Sir Mark (Jason Isaacs) winning through despite rogue Brits and the American Secretary of Defence, Lynne Warner (Sharon Gless).
There were dead bodies and hurt feelings everywhere.
I watched it with the cat Shadow.
'Never mind, mate,' he said afterwards, 'he'll be Lucius Malfoy again next year.'
Keep writing, J.K.!
Jam and Jerusalem (BBC1) becomes less of a comedy by the week.
It is more a gentle drama of English village life now.
Perhaps I blinked but I missed Joanna Lumley altogether.
Didn't see the lollipop lady, either.
Still, if you have the sort of cast Jennifer Saunders has attracted you are never going to be short of watchable characters.
Into The West concluded on BBC2 at the weekend.
What happened at places like Wounded Knee will forever haunt Americans concerned to uphold human decency.
But the injustices will mostly be forgotten.
In the same way that they have been here and in every other colonizing country.
Housewife 49 (ITV1) was an evocative wartime story written by Victoria Wood and based on the Mass Observation diary of Nella Last. Again the casting was impeccable with Victoria Wood as Nella, David Threlfell as her husband and Stephanie Cole as the formidable leader of the local Women's Voluntary Service group.
It will doubtless be repeated and (particularly for those of a certain age who may have missed it) deserves watching.
READIN', WRITIN' and WATCHIN'
Those nice girls from TrippingOnWords sent me a line saying thanks.
They didn't need to so their courtesy was the more appreciated.
I have looked in a couple of times recently and seen a dear little lad, Perry (?), who is very like our 19 months old grandson Ellis, having his hair cut.
I have also heard some gloriously incomprehensible explanation of an in-the-know game dealing with parents' names or something.
I have read what they have written about the Kenya project and been surprised that somebody who would write to them decrying Christian involvement in another country would decline to give a name.
I'm no believer, either.
But if something is important I would never choose to withhold my name.
And anybody who writes to me anonymously will be instantly deleted. Neither their argument nor their expression of it will get a second glance.
Happy Christmas, Tripping team.
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