HAVE BEEN NIGGLED BY....
I know I promised otherwise, but it is hard to resist having an occasional niggle when you really are a grumpy old git. Anyway, I'm fed up with midde-aged comics trotting out grumpy old people twaddle on television. Comedians on the box should be funny. If they can't be funny they should keep their traps shut. That's my first niggle sorted.
My second niggle is with the way jargon spouters mess up the English language. I remember the first time I heard the phrase 'at this moment in time.' It was at a meeting of yet another committee of self-important meddlers.
"Do you mean now?" I asked the speaker.
The disapproving look I received suggested I had been caught robbing the offertory.
I became well accustomed to that look over the following years as I dared to question such gems as: 'At grass roots level' ("Are we talking underground here?") 'Madam Chairman' ("Would that be a female male or a male female?") 'I am flying a flag in the direction of...' ("Since flags generally fly towards the rear do you mean you're talking out of your arse?")
Currently one of my pet dislikes is the word "Enjoy" used to round off a sales pitch. If somebody hopes you will enjoy a meal, or a particular experience, or a car, or any other bloody thing, why the hell don't they expand enough to say so? Truth to tell they don't give a toss. Their token "enjoy" means no more than does the token: "Have a nice day."
Niggle three:- Why are Graham Norton and Alan Titchmarsh chosen to present every other programme on television? Do they have hidden expertise in musical theatre, classical music etc. as well as a bit of a talent for listening to celebrity chatter and (in Titchy's case) remembering the Latin names of flowers? Do they have better agents than anybody else? Or is it just that they know where the bodies are buried?
Niggle four:- What twat convinced the directors/producers (whatever) of television competition programmes that the long...long...long...far too long pause between question and answer is 'good television?' It ain't. It's just a pain.
Latest sufferer is that pleasant chap Donny Osmond who hosts the programme Identity where, in a bid to win £10,000, contestants are required to guess the correct identity of a selection of participants chosen from a dozen possibilities.
When the contestant of the day has made a choice (e.g. Flatulence Sufferer From Farnborough), Donny points at the chosen participant and demands something along the lines of: "Number four! Flatulence Sufferer From Farnborough! Is that your identity?" There follows not only the long...long...long...far too long pause (during which the participant is allowed neither to say nor to indicate that the truth - let alone the wind - may be out), but then a silly suspense tune is incorporated to prolong the agony.
I just read my newspaper until Eggheads comes on. Then I get niggled with Dermot Murnaghan all over again.
And don't talk to me about on/off switches - you'll only get me niggled.
HAVE BEEN READING.
Wicked! by Jilly Cooper (Corgi 2007), a story about two schools, their pupils and their teachers. One of the schools is posh and the other is the sort of school I remember. The book is packed with inspired Jilly Cooper names, some new, some familiar to readers of her past fiction, many difficult to place without constant reference to her useful Cast Of Characters.
So is this another niggle?
Nope, this is Jilly Cooper.
This is a darned good read.
HAVE WATCHED.
Open Range, a western with Robert Duvall, Kevin Costner and Annette Bening. Great stuff in the mould of Lonesome Dove. My Leader and I enjoyed every moment. They even had Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (Michael - now Sir Michael - Gambon) playing the Irish villain. Goes without saying, but I will say it anyway, the entire cast was excellent.
Dog Soldiers, a horror film set in Scotland, starred Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Liam Cunningham, Emma Cleasby and a strong supporting cast of squaddies and werewolves. Very British and very, very good.
HAVE BEEN PLEASED AT...
England's soccer performances agains Israel and Russia
"What do you think about it, then?" I asked the cat Shadow as he was leaving to beat the bounds. England were 3 - 0 in the lead against Russia.
"Pretty good," he said. "Now they only have to do the same in Moscow."
"Didn't have Becks, either," I said.
"I noticed," he said dryly. "Seem to remember giving you my opinion on that subject long ago."
"Oh, he'll be back," I said. "You can't leave the likes of him and Rooney out forever."
"Perhaps not. Let's just see how well they do when they meet Germany again," he said.
He can niggle me a bit sometimes.
He does it deliberately.
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