A BIT OF A SHOCK.
One evening a week or so back we were sitting at ease in our living room when there was an almighty crash at the back of the house.
"What the hell was that?" I wondered as I headed for the kitchen.
When I found out it was a bit of a shock.
In the sideway leading from the back door of the garage to the courtyard I made out a (probably teenage) figure.
He registered my appearance at the same moment I saw him and he turned tail.
We keep the kitchen door locked so by the time I had recovered the key and made my way outside he was well gone. The garage light was on and he had kicked open its locked back door, smashing the rimlock in the process. That had been the cause of the almighty crash. The actual garage door (electric) had been prised halfway up and dislodged from its runner on the mechanism side.
The road beyond was empty. It runs alongside our terrace and there are no houses opposite, just a church wall.
My language stripped leaves off the trees in the churchyard.
I have never been much of a tough guy but had I been a few years younger and got my hands on him he'd have received a bloody good thumping.
Would have done no good, though. I'd have been charged with assault and the thieving little bastard would have got away with a caution.
Oh. we gave statements to a very decent young policeman and I guess that will be the end of it.
Anyway, you can't really cure thieves.
Back when I was an army boy a thief was caught in the act by his room-mates. They summarily stamped on his hands. Months later he was discovered to be stealing from the NAAFI shop and was discharged from the service. When his kit was checked and packed it was found to contain items of equipment belonging to just about every other boy in his barrack room.
No, you can't cure them.
But sometimes, awfully, I think the Arabs had the right idea.
AN ACTOR'S (BETWEEN DRAGS) VIEWPOINT.
According to the 29 September - 5 October edition of my ultimate digital TV and radio guide, Ken Stott, who plays Detective Inspector John Rebus, has decided that four months of dead bodies at a time has become too harrowing. It seems he may do something along the lines of a two-hour Rebus The Opera, Rebus On Ice or Rebus Christmas Special (my definitions, not his) in the future, but doubts he will do another series.
All this was conveyed between breaks taken for a quick drag at a cigarette.
Asked whether a role in a Harry Potter film would be of interest to him he made it very clear that it would not. It seems his viewpoint is that the Potter books are overrated and that if we are going to encourage children to read books it should be to read Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials, not J.K.Rowling.
Oh dear.
Perhaps, when the Pullman stories are eventually filmed, he will be sought to join the cast of Northern Lights, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass. (Probably given the title Dark Materials 1, 2 and 3 by some genius.) He would make a splendid Lord Asriel. But he should take care if the producers are the Disney organization. He could find himself spending an entire series with Goofy or Donald Duck as his daemon and that would do little for his dignity.
I mock lightly.
This is a man who can walk alone down an empty beach, stand looking out to sea, and keep your interest throughout the entire mundane manoeuvre.
This is an actor.
EGGHEADS (BBC2)
Recently their winning run ended and the Eggheads saw £75000 handed over to a team of Oxford undergraduates. Better that than handing it to a team of lawyers or politicians, I suppose.
Oh, the challengers had only two team members left at the end, but they chose to be asked the first batch of questions (there's a surprise), struggled with the fact, but eventually guessed, that Nicosia was further south than Valetta and (what a surprise!) the Eggheads were then posed a question regarding how many States in America still carry the death penalty...38, 18 or 8?
They guessed 8. They should have guessed 38. My guess is that fewer than five out of 303 million Americans would have had the slightest idea.
I have experienced a sensation of deja vu, too.
I started to believe these programmes to be repeats when, £3,000 after that big loss, a bunch from Preston appeared and, lo and behold, the Eggheads were beaten again. There was something much too familiar about it. That's the trouble with being a goggle box gazer, you are sometimes sure you have seen it all before. Could be imagination. Could be coincidence. Could just be that you have. Who cares?
But it really is time the format was changed.
And the presenter!
MATCH OF THE DAY LIVE: (BBC1)
(England v Estonia - 13th October 2007)
The cat Shadow had predicted 'the same sort of win as last time' and, airing the view that England was still only a first half team, had gone to sleep.
Fortunately we had a welcome and unexpected guest who not only knows her football but has the added bonus of a ready sense of humour.
Just before the end of the game, with Englad 3 - 0 in the lead, she remarked dryly: "I think they should give Man of the Match to that Estonian who scored the marvellous own goal."
Now that really is a guest worth welcoming.
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