OL' TITCHY IS SHERIFF.
Alan Titchmarsh has just been made High Sheriff of the Isle of Wight, a title bestowed by H.M. Queen Elizabeth 2 (an elderly lady apparently prone to the charms of a TV gardener from Yorkshire).
Opinions on the appointment vary.
There are those who will always echo the views of Her Majesty. They are the sort who would support any choice she made. She could choose Osama bin Laden and they would agree wholeheartedly.
Then there are those who think he is just a tiresome mini celebrity who happens to have a holiday home here and the post should have gone to a caulkhead (somebody island born).
Whenever I've seen him on the box, Terry Wogan's homely description "bonny" fits him perfectly. I do not know whether, away from the screen, he is a charmer or a tosser and I could not give a f-f-fig one way or the other.
In my working days, though, I was once required to fill in a questionnaire from the Department of Health seeking, among other things, an answer to the question: Are you aware of any racial problems in your area?
My reply was as follows: There are no racial problems on the Island. Anybody not born here is a foreigner.
So ol' Titchy will have to understand that to Islanders he will always be a foreigner, whatever his reputation or standing.
If he has already absorbed that much and - more importantly - learnt to accept it with good grace, he will find this a pleasant enough berth, in or out of office. If he has not and has no intention of so doing, he will find that television fame impresses nobody worth impressing.
What? Oh, my wife and I are celebrating our fortieth year here.
We are still foreigners.
RICHARD WIDMARK (1914 - 2008)
This is a small tribute to the splendid actor Richard Widmark who died on 24th March at the age of 93.
I first saw him in the 1947 film Kiss of Death and came out of the cinema thinking: (1) that new chap was one helluva good psychopath:(2) wonder if his manic laugh will typecast him? And (3) what a pity he didn't bump off Victor Mature.
Mr. Widmark remained a charismatic and dependable star throughout his entire career. Other actors visibly looked to their laurels when he was about.
If I had been an actor I would have relished working with him.
How better to perfect your craft than to work with the best?
BACK TO THE BOX.
Hughie Green: Most Sincerely. (BBC4)
This was another in the Curse of Comedy series and featured a believable performance by Trevor Eve in the lead role.
I always thought that Hughie Green was an unctuous phoney - and I mean that most sincerely, folks - so it came as no surprise to learn he was also an unpleasant womanizer and a self-important bully.
Mark Benton played the sanctimonious - and equally detestable - presenter of Stars On Sunday, Jess (The Bishop) Yates who, after his death in 1993, fell victim to Green's malicious revelation (via a News of the World journalist at his 1997 funeral) that he was the real father of Yates's beloved daughter, Paula.
Three years later Paula Yates, too, was dead.
Only in the most derisive sense were there any comedians in this story.
How it crept into this particular series is a mystery.
Doctor Who (BBC1)
Yep, the Doctor (David Tennant) is back for another thirteen weeks. This time he has Donna Noble (Catherine Tate) as his purely platonic helpmate and a host of threatening aliens old and new to contend with, all courtesy of Russell T. Davies.
I shan't miss a single episode if I can help it.
Hotel Babylon. (BBC1)
This hotel potboiler came to its gloriously farcical conclusion.
It was unadulterated tripe.
There will be another series next year.
And of course we shall watch it.
Torchwood. (BBC2)
The second series of this one ended, too.
I expect it will be back.
But it will be back without a couple of our favourite characters.
And of course we shall watch it.
Frankie Howerd: Rather You than Me. (BBC4)
In a fortnight of farewells, this was the last in the short Curse of Comedy series and one that really did belong to it..
Frankie Howerd (born Howard) was played by David Walliams (born Williams) to very good effect,
His acolyte/lover/chauffeur/partner/manager Dennis Heymer was played, to equally good effect, by Rafe Spall.
At a time when public knowledge of his homosexual proclivities would probably have finished a fluctuating show business career, Frankie Howerd, a promiscuous homosexual, was no more convincing as a heterosexual than was that ludicrous toupee masquerading as his real hair.
Both comedy and his sexuality were a curse to this troubled man.
There is no doubt that Dennis Heymer was the best thing that ever happened to him.
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