HOME.
More cat chat.The cat Shadow was to all intents asleep in the chair beside me when of a sudden he asked: "Why d'you keep tippety-tappin' on that computer keyboard?"
At first I thought the gentle rattle of the keys must have irked him, but he did not sound querulous and he has never complained before.
I had to think on my seat.
"It keeps me off the streets."
He yawned.
"Whatever. You'll not change anything. All the television programmes you detest have gained in popularity since you started decrying them."
I sensed an unwinnable conversation coming on and tried to head him off.
"Why do governments keep effiin' about with the time?" I grumbled. "Every six months we have to put an hour on the clock, or take off an hour; my body clock takes ages to re-adjust."
He made it clear that he was not to be distracted.
"Truth is, mate, when it comes to tele you're swimming against the popular tide. People love all that phone in and join in stuff. They feel involved: like it's their television."
I snorted. Sod the popular tide. Today's loved is tomorrow's loathed.
"There's still too much cookery, property and reality on the box," I said. "Too many auctions and phone-ins and long...long waits for some smarmy git to reveal who will or won't be back next week. And there's far too many masochists just waiting to let a cretinous cook curse them or a mouthy little millionaire in need of a shave tell them they're fired. I don't care how popular it all is, it's crap."
"Well that's stymied your chances of appearing in anybody's kitchen or on The Apprentice," he mused. "Speaking as your personal adviser I must warn that you're running out of options."
"Just don't volunteer me for Big Brother or anything to do with Ant and Dec," I said.
He blinked his cat smile.
"How about Lloyd and Webber?"
A long twenty years. It has recently been reported that a third of army families are discontented with the accommodation allocated to them.
A MoD spokesman says it will take twenty years to upgrade the offending homes.
But military families were making similar complaints, to my knowledge, when I joined the army in 1945.
Rather a long twenty years that.
TELEVISION.
Live International Football (ITV1). Shadow's Soccer: he woke up ten minutes after the England v. Ukraine game ended.
"England won 2 -1," I told him. "They weren't bad in the first half but struggled a bit in the second. Barry and Johnson and Becks were yellow carded."
My Leader's customary subsequent engagement having kept her from the game, he had enjoyed the comfort of her chair for the evening.
Now he dropped down and stretched.
"Time for supper, ain't it?" he enquired.
I struggled to my feet.
"Sometimes I wonder what your last servant died of. And how come you were awake right through the Slovakia game and slept right through this one?"
"Don't be a blonde," he said. "The Slovakia game was a good one. Try to remember the last time England played two good games in a row."
Law & Order: UK (ITV1). In post 120 I expressed uncertainty about this Dick Wolf inspired addition to the many cops and robbers shows already to be seen on our screens. I should have known better.
The likes of Bill Paterson and Harriet Walter are always good value and Bradley Walsh is excellent as senior DS Ronnie Brooks.
With this cast, Law and Order: UK, like the American original, could run and run.
CSI Crime Scene Investigation (Five). Ol' Bill Petersen, wearing a silly hat and an uncomplimentary beard, took off to find the love of his life in Pategonia or somewhere.
His departure left a huge empty space that not even the imperturbable Laurence Fishburne has so far managed to fill.
Robin Hood (BBC1) and Primeval (ITV1). Two new series for Saturday night viewing. Watched them. Look foward to the return of Merlin.
READING.
Kathy Reichs. I should by now have finished reading her death du jour and probably would have had I not become sidetracked by re-reading Edmund Crispin's Fen Country: twenty six stories featuring Gervaise Fen. The first detective story omnibus I owned contained The Moving Toyshop by Crispin, and I very much enjoyed it. Fen Country has merely served as a reminder that short story writing is difficult and dates quickly.
Must get back to Ms.Reichs.
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