50. I love a good read

BLOGGERS IN BLUE.

Lady In Red has long been a popular tune.
Bloggers In Blue, according to my newspaper today, are playing a far less popular tune so far as the sticklers, the PC PCs and above, of the police service are concerned.
Bloggers In Blue, they say, should be sacked.
All blogging, they strongly hint, should be banned by law.
Now that worries me almost as much as do the 'findings' of some gormless git who thinks we should all be paying by the mile to travel on roads for which we already pay an annual road fund licence fee. Which, incidentally, the Tossers-In-Power spend on everything but the roads.
Anyway, Bloggers In Blue.
I love a good read.
So I welcome the news that we have law enforcers who can do something other than present motorists with £30 to £60 on-the-spot fines for minor infringements.
Around here it would be a waste of time calling for help from the three police officers (two men and a woman) who are collecting a fortune in the parking bay of the school opposite.
They are far too busy fining young mums who have neglected to fasten their seat belts before driving away from the school.
Around the corner you could be beaten to death and no one would come to your aid.
Daft world, ain't it.

JESSICA...

I did a posting about Angela Lansbury yesterday. Then I deleted it.
I didn't think it was quite right.
You see, although I have read her biography, I suddenly realized that I know very little about the British born actress except the parts she has played.
Notably the crime solving thriller writer Jessica Fletcher in Murder, She Wrote.
I concluded that although most of the M.S.W. stories are tosh, sprinkled with dire American/Scottish, American/Irish and American/Cockney accents and laden with sadly older - much older - former film and tele stars, Ms. Lansbury was always the same... she was very good.
Physically she never altered, either.
Perhaps she has a picture in the attic.
But I have a soft spot for any Jessica, anyway, because of our granddaughter.
As I mentioned in Not Everybody Will Like You (17th November) Jess, now 11, has finished reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
She has started on Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials.

AND EMMA.

Back on one of our Harry Potter midnight publication trips to POttakers the children were invited to arrive as Potter characters. Prize for the best lookalike.
Our Jess went as Hermione Granger.
She didn't win.
There was an excellent Harry.
But the store manager said: 'I do wish we could give a second prize. This little girl is wonderful.'
She was happy with that.
When I bought the DVD Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire there was an extra DVD showing interviews with various cast members.
A bunch of young Americans interviewed Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint.
One of the questions asked of the three went along the lines of:
'What books have influenced you?'
Apart from the obvious reference to the Harry Potter stories, Daniel mentioned the Louis Sachar story Holes, Rupert had to admit that he seldom read at all and Emma said: 'His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman.'
No wonder the boys go in such ill-concealed awe of her.
She is Hermione Granger.
So, in her own non-acting sort of way, is our Jess.

49. Last week was all right

FOOTBALL. (Tuesday 21st November, 2006)

From a goggle-eyed old'uns point of view last week was all right.
On Tuesday there was football: Champions League Live from Celtic Park, Glasgow.
Celtic v Manchester United.
The cat Shadow purred when the Scots pulled it off.
I think he rates Gordon Strachan and is of the opinion that Alex Ferguson might be the type to kick a football boot in a cat's direction when his team loses.

FOOD.

On the same evening there was a fellow called Heston Blumenthal searching for perfection in fish and chips.
His myriad travels and scientific experiments finally produced the goods.
But I wonder if I was alone in feeling that there are more out than in?

YOUNG@HEART. (Wednesday 22nd)
Here was a gem about a singing group of New England pensioners.
Only America could produce a bunch of people, average age 80, who would tackle songs by the Clash, Radiohead and Coldplay, let alone Dylan and Bowie classics, and do it so well.
The viewer was in turn uplifted by joyful performances and touched by sad departures.
One to watch again and again.

OZ & JAMES'S BIG WINE ADVENTURE.

The Two Fat Ladies worked: The Hairy Bikers work:
Oz and James does not work.
Reason for this seems to be that Oz Clarke is depicted as a poncy wine-tasting bore and James May (the wet one in Top Gear) is portrayed as a macho beer-swilling boor.
One suspects that neither of these is an accurate representation and the programme suffers accordingly.
One not to watch again and again.

THE QUEEN MOTHER IN LOVE. (Thursday 23rd)
I avoided this.
Well, she always avoided me.
My Leader watched it.
Said it had all been done just as well before.
So I was glad I settled for...

THE STATE WITHIN.

Though I'm still not sure what bloody state that is.
Our man in Washington, Sir Mark, is being betrayed on all sides.
People take photographs of him in every conceivable place, position and situation.
He never recognizes that friends can be foes and foes can be even bigger foes.
It was part 4 of 6 this week.
I have not understood any of it since Part 1.
I shall watch it until the last incomprehensible moment.
I shall then look forward to seeing Jason Isaacs back as Lucius Malfoy in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
(Keep writing, J.K., Keep writing!)

JAM AND JERUSALEM. (Friday 24th)
Written by Jennifer Saunders.
Starring too many luminaries of the acting profession to be listed here.
It might, just might, have been a flop.
But of course it wasn't.
It was gloriously, outrageously, indescribably funny.

48. A star in America too!

WINSTONE THE WINNER.

I know it is not seemly to crow when you've got something right.
(Well, not unless you are Peter Pan it's not.)
But sod Peter Pan, today I am crowing!
In my post Some Actors Don't of 29th October, 2006, I expressed the view that Ray Winstone is a star.
And there is news this morning that Ray has won an Emmy for Vincent.
Jubilation!
It is the equivalent of an English boxer going to America and winning on points!
Except that Ray did it in the only way you can over there.
He knocked the opposition cold.
Few British actors do.
He did.
So, for what it's worth, well done Ray Winstone.
A star in America, too!

NOT SO MUSICAL.

The Sound of Music must have become sadly dicordant over the weekend for new singing star Connie Fisher.
The hills were alive with the sound of Sunday Scandal hacks.
Ignore 'em, kid.
They are talentless and exist only to pour shite on success.
Nobody of any consequence takes the slightest notice of them.

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING.

The final part of Peter Jackson's film trilogy based on the J.R.R. Tolkein books was shown on television at the weekend.
My Leader gave it a miss this time.
Too manic, too bloodthirsty, too intense and ultimately too sad.
The cat Shadow slept through it until it was time for supper then went off to beat the bounds.
I sat transfixed for the second - maybe third - time around.
Nothing could have pulled me away from the incredible battle in which Orlando Bloom overcomes an attacking mammoth with its entire warrior crew and John Rhys-Davies bellows: 'That only counts as one!'
And to think that at my age I am excused paying the licence fee.
How good can it get?

47. Not everybody will like you.

ANOTHER SO-SO SOCCER MATCH.

Perhaps the football pundits have been less than fair to Steve McClaren.
Perhaps everybody always expects too much of the national team and its manager.
But a 1-1 draw with a mediocre Dutch side in Amsterdam on Wednesday did little to allay the growing misgivings of many England fans.
The cat Shadow, settled on his big new bean-bag, did not wake up until it was over.
'It was a draw,' I told him.
'Well it would be, wouldn't it,' he said, as though there was no question about it.
'Why would it be?' I asked.
'Oh do come on,' he said. 'An away friendly in Europe? You have to draw or lose to get out alive.'
'You're a racist cat,' I said. 'You said the same sort of thing about our boxers in America.'
'No I didn't' he retorted. 'I said that you've got to knock 'em out to win over there because they don't let foreigners win on points.'
'If you were a human you'd finish up before the Race Relations Board,' I said.
He stalked towards the catflap.
'Talk to the tail,' he said 'The ears aren't listening.'
A draw is the same as being beaten to him.
And he's a very poor loser.

HOW FAST THEY GROW.

Our lovely granddaughter, Jessica, will be eleven on Sunday.
Last night she finished reading Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince.
That's it until next year's midnight watch.
(Keep writing J.K.! Keep writing!)
Doesn't seem yesterday that little Jess was starting school.
Before she left I think I gave her the same advice I gave her mother, aunt and uncle way back when they started school.
'Some children will want to make friends with you right away. Be friendly with them. Not everybody will like you, though. Some may dislike you without reason. Don't worry about it. Avoid them.'
I hope it worked for all of them.
They've never said.
Didn't do much for me in wartime elementary schools.
At times I got a right thumping from the kids I should have avoided.
Anyway, I shall be wishing a Happy Birthday to Jess at the weekend.
She's taller than my Leader now.
And almost as tall as me.

EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.

This is still one tele programme to watch every morning.
Today Raymond found out that not everybody loves him after all.
A media presenter of some sort (recognised in America perhaps?) made it known that Raymond would not be welcome on his show.
He hated Raymond.
Raymond was hurt and bemused.
He had never met the man.
Of course Raymond's large and singularly more likeable brother was without sympathy.
It took a meeting of them both with the media presenter to reaffirm the maxim 'blood is thicker then water.'
Another excellent episode in an excellent series.
And another reminder that not everybody will like you.
So what!
If they don't, who needs 'em?

46. If you can't fight...

...WEAR A BIG HAT.

When I was a boy my father used to say: 'If you can't fight, wear a big hat!'
I have laughed at the cowboys in b/w movies ever since.
Today I read that Jack Palance has died.
It would have been a brave (indeed, downright foolish) man who laughed at him.
Remember when he shot poor little Elisha Cook Jnr.in Shane(1953)?
Remember his award winning - and terrifying - trail boss in City Slickers (1991)?
He exuded menace.
He had a wonderful deadpan humour.
And fellow actors had to be at their very best were he not to effortlessly upstage them.
With his departure goes one more superb screen villain.

ANOTHER CHANGE OF TITLE?

I have been reliably informed that when we changed our Blog from The Oldies to Watching The Detectives we were less than original.
Elvis Costello apparently wrote a song and there is a weekend column in The Guardian called Watching The Detectives.
So to Elvis Costello and to the writer of that weekend column (my daughter in Oxford will know his name, she's a teacher so, unlike me, she reads The Gridauran) my apologies, though I don't know why, neither of them is ever likely to read this.
Time for another change of title then?
Somewhen soon?
Na-a-a-ah - sod it!
[Now then: if you're the sort of NCIS nut who records it then doesn't watch it for ages do not read on because the next bit is a rock solid Spoiler!)

THEY'VE DESPATCHED CAITLIN!

Yep, Caitlin Todd has been written out at the end of the second series of NCIS.
Perhaps the pretty actress who played her, Sasha Alexander, wanted to leave.
Perhaps she could not stand the prospect of a third series alongside the detestable Dinozzo (Michael Weatherley) and Jethro Gibbs's haircut (though that has been acting rather well of late).
Anyway they brought in a shadowy assassin played by a shadowy occasional guest appearance actor.
He was supposed to be attempting to kill Jethro but succeeded in shooting Caitlin right between the eyes and Jethro's end of series speech.
She'll be missed.
They'll need someone else to dampen the detestable Dinozzo

45. A minor tirade and major kudos

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT AN ASBO?

In our world of late there have been distractions too numerous to catalogue: even if I could remember what they were.
So I thought it must be time to indulge in a Blogger's Tirade again.
Well, if you can't beat 'em..
Away we go with a recent item on a bad news day..
ASBOs.
Though I tend, like a High Court Judge when normal sex is mentioned, to need the advice of Learned Counsel on what it is all about, I gather that ASBO stands for Anti Social Behaviour Order.
Appears it is a sort of punishment dished out to recalcitrant yobs.
And it has now become a badge of honour among them.
Something to boast about.
Why?
Many people have to be automatic candidates for ASBOs.
Politicians: estate agents: lawyers?
Surely to boast of being issued with one is totally moronic.
But try telling that to the morons who do the boasting.

RIGHT ROYLE ENDING.
"Warning: Contains Spoilers!"
For box watchers there was a one-off final episode (allegedly) of The Royle Family.
All the regulars were back.
The script was as good as ever.
The acting was as good as ever.
They were all of them better than anything they were watching on tele.
When weren't they?
Then Gran (dear old Liz Smith) popped her clogs.
There was not a dry eye in the house.

AND A RIGHT ROWLING SEND OFF.

As a denouement there was a programme about the programme and everyone talked about how wonderful it was to be in it, to make it, to watch it.
(You know, like they do in all those cheerful docu-advert things.)
They even had my own favourite, the elusive J.K. Rowling, to talk about it.
I watched and all the time wondered.
Will J,K.s last Harry Potter story come out on 07.07.07?
That is the educated guess of many Potter fans.
Can't come soon enough for me.
Just keep writing, J.K.!
Keep writing!

44. Foolproof - until some fool proves otherwise...

OVER-ZEALOUS RECORD KEEPING.

News this morning that Professor Sir Alec Jeffreys, University of Leicester(UK) inventor of DNA genetic fingerprinting, has expressed concern about the vast number of DNA records currently kept on file.
He was particularly concerned that many were of people innocent of any crime.
The DNA database in Britain is growing at a rate of 40,000 profiles a month.
With respect to ol' Bill Petersen and Co. (and to all the real CSI folk out there), I do worry a little about the possible flaws in any new identification system.
If the only flaw is over-zealous record keeping it is still a flaw.
It has been reported that our Prime Minister would like to see the whole country recorded on the DNA database.
He and his colleagues also talk of requiring every citizen to carry an identity card.
We had identity cards in the 39 - 45 war.
They were a waste of time then and they would be now..
So the Prime minister and his colleagues can bugger off.
The idea that any system could be foolproof worries me anyway.

A thing is only foolproof until some fool proves otherwise.

BLUE MURDER.

Concerned mother and cop Caroline Quentin is back on the box as DCI Janine Lewis in Blue Murder.
The title could be taken as a reflection on what the writers are trying to get away with.
It's OK as police shows go.
Very English.
Very Caroline.

I liked her better in Jonathan Creek.

CRIMINAL MINDS.

The boss in this is quirky cop Mandy Patinkin with his glasses on the end of his nose.
Don't think I've talked about it before.
May have done.
Can't remember.
There are so many of these cold case things.
Know I've talked about that before.
Anyway, it's very American.
Very Mandy.

And I liked him better when he was singing.