66. It's war everywhere

WHAT FOOTBALL?

"England won," I said to the cat Shadow.
"Won what?" he asked.
"The football," I said.
"What football?"
"The international. Beat Andorra."
"Oh, I was away while all those overpaid prima donnas pranced
about," he grumbled. "Seemed by far the best thing a sensible
cat could do."
"Well, England won 3 - 0," I persisted.
"Not until the second half, though," he said.
I eyed him speculatively.
"Oh, we hear it all up there on the rooftops," he continued.
"News travels fast, especially bad news."
"And a 3 - 0 win is bad news?"
"Given the team they were playing and the time it took...very
bad news."
I gave him my Professor Snape look of hearty detestation.
"Do sod off," I said.
He marched to the cat flap.
Half way out he broke wind.
Just has to have the last word.

ANOTHER GIFT FROM THE CHANCER CHANCELLOR.

A government which contains the tiresome trio Blair, Brown
and Reid is a government with three Scottish connections
too many. Latest of these unworthies to arouse my ire yet
again is the jaw-dropping Chancellor who last week finished
a budget speech by smugly announcing a drop in income
tax, then slapped an extra £5 on the Road Fund Tax for my
little car and required me to pay the extra when I presented
at the post office the following day.
If proof was needed that the only thing worse than a
politician is a child molester, there it is.
What's more, when dear Tony finally gets his backside out of
it, this pillar of probity will probably become Prime Minister.
Bloody hell!

WHY ARE WE THERE AT ALL?

The news that fifteen British sailors and marines had been
captured in disputed waters of the Persian Gulf and were
being held captive in Iran came as the sort of shock that
brings about the reaction: "Right! That's us at war then!"
Now that they have been released, however, is it not
reasonable to ask why we are there at all?
All this 'ferreting out terrorists' bullshit cuts no ice when
it is clear that we are probably only there to safeguard
the price of petrol in America.
And If you think about it, how would we react if a bunch
of Iranian gunboats turned up in The English Channel and
searched passing ships?
Would we accept their claims that they were on the
French side of the water?
Huh!